Praying to be a "better Mommy"

Okay I hate to even write this, but some day when you girls look back and hopefully read my rambling thoughts on life and love -- how much I love you guys! I want you to know I have these days.... days where I think the only thing I've done right all day long is pray over and over till I can't ask for help any more... TO BE A BETTER MOMMY.

Today was just one of those days, I felt lost in a maze - ever turn I took was the wrong one... Eva didn't feel good, wanted to be held all day long. That is until Daddy walked in for like 20 minutes, then she was all giggles and smiles (so of course it looks like she was like this all day when she TOTALLY wasn't). Grace didn't want to take a nap, and I fell into the trap, should have seen it coming but I thought she's 4 1/2 we can do this. Plus I didn't want her to wake Eva up who soooo needed to get some sleep.

I kept trying to do what Eva wanted, only to be bit, scratched, pinched, slapped and on the receiving end of getting my hair pulled. It's hard b/c I know this isn't her - it's that she is in pain w/ no way to communicate it. But that dark part of your Mommy mind says, "a good Mommy would know how to handle this better". At one point I had to just put her in the pack-n-play and walk away for a few minutes feeling like a total failure.

Then Grace had a meltdown over dinner - she didn't want a waffle, she wanted Barbie cereal. Of course, who wouldn't.... I so don't want to be my Dad when it comes to dinner. So I'm not going to make her eat the waffle, but I'm also not a short order cook. Ugh...

Some days you just need a total DO-OVER... this was one for me. So tonight as I go to bed, I'll fall asleep hoping tomorrow is better, and praying for the strength and guidance to be a better Mommy. And when I wake tomorrow, I know it will be a new day.